


Sky High

by Hereisthere_gg



Series: Miraculous Crack [1]
Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: ADRIEN WAS JUST BEING AN IDIOT, BUT THIS IS PRETTY FUNNY ANYWAY, Do Not, I HAVE NO EXPERIENCE, IM JUST GUESSING, SO, WITH BEING HIGH, as per usual, i do not condone the use of drugs btw
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-12
Updated: 2017-01-12
Packaged: 2018-09-17 00:40:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 843
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9296621
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hereisthere_gg/pseuds/Hereisthere_gg
Summary: "Heyyy, you.""What? Dude-""How are you on this fine...""It's midnight? Dude what the fuck-""Night. Uhh, these guys...they...uhm." The blond on the other end of the line giggled, and Nino feared the worst.





	

"What the fuck were you even doing?" Nino asked, shaking his friend's shoulders. "What were you thinking?!"

 

Adrien's head lolled lazily as he was shaken, letting loose random sounds. "These guys." He giggled, attempting to explain himself. "These guys offered, like a joint???? And I know was it is and was like," He gestured wildly. "'Fuck you dad.' So." He giggles again.

 

"Oh my god. Adrien, bro," Nino let go of Adrien's shoulders and paced away. "Dude, the shit that you could get into because of this! Dude, what? Did you not think this through?"

 

"Nope!" Adrien popped his 'p' from his sprawled position on the white couch. "I'm not very good at that pacific thing. Ha."

 

"Pacific. Oh my god, Adrien. Pacific."

 

"Specific, god." Adrien tried to pull his head up to look over the back of the couch, but failed somehow into a pile of giggles. "Get your grammar panties out of your ass, bruh."

 

"Ugh." Nino held his face in his hands. "Why are you my friend."

 

"Because I kick ass. And would love Ladybug to kick my ass~" He abruptly changed topics. "Ladybug could kick my ass~ any day of the week, 24/7, all the way to America, to the window, to the _wall_ -"

 

"Adrien," Nino couldn't resist chuckling. "Shut up, okay? I'm trying to think."

 

"No," Adrien pouted, rolling off of the couch and into the floor. "No thinking. We only do! The do! Do dididodido!"

 

"No, Adrien. We think before we do, as civilized human beings."

 

"Who said that we were civilized?" Adrien scooted out from in front of the couch. "I went to America. It's pretty cool, only the occasional streaker, right?"

 

"Uhm..."

 

"And like, there are restrooms everywhere. Everywhere." Adrien gestured grandly, as if he were referring to one gigantic restroom, eyes wide with wonder. "Complete with freaking toilets. I don't have a toilet. Nino, I don't have a toilet. Why. Why do I not have a toilet-"

 

"Because you fucking don't," Nino answered shortly. "Adrien, go to bed-"

 

"And like," Adrien ignored him. "The fuck? Why do you need so many restrooms though?? Like, there's three in a single house sometimes. Like, that's weird. But it shows that America isn't scared of bodily functions, like shitting and toilet sex."

 

"Like-what."

 

"Shitting and toilet sex. Nijno, keep up." Adrien narrowed his eyes at Nino. "And like,"

 

"Dude, do you watch porn?"

 

"No. My dad, #Nathalie," He rolled his eyes and make a face. "tracks my computer."

 

Nino sighed. "Oh, that-"

 

"I buy like, a single phone for porn and throw it away when I'm done."

 

"What-"

 

"It's the only true way to cover your tracks." Adrien shrugged. "I get, like, a Samsung or whatever I'm feeling."

 

Nino could only gape at this new information.

 

"And sometimes I buy them off hoboes on the streets." Adrien threw his arms up, face in a 'what the fuck' expression. "They just...I know they overprice 'em, just for me, and I don't really mind because I'm filthy fucking rich and I'm 420 blazin' it right now, I just realized, this is the best thing ever." Adrien grinned.

 

Nino closed his jaw. "Adrien, go to bed."

 

"But obaachan~" Adrien giggled. "I mean, uh," Nino groaned. "Uhh, oto-san??? Whatever. I've been lacking on the animue lately."

 

"Adrien, please," Nino sent his friend a pleading look. "Go to bed."

 

"Fine." Adrien stood and walked over to his bed, arms swinging dramatically. Nino stifled laughs. "But don't expect me to beeee~"

 

"To be what?" 

 

"It is physically impossible for a bee to be able to fly~" And Nino regretted asking. "It's wings are too small for its body. Tiny wings equal no flight powers, Seinfeld~"

 

"What the fuck-Adrien, go to sleep!"

 

"I'm already in bed." Adrien glared at Nino. "What more do you want? I'm not spreading my legs."

 

"Adrien," Nino held his face in his hands. "Adrien, close your eyes."

 

"Kinky~"

 

"No! Just, go to sleep."

 

"Whatevs, bruh. I'll float your boat." Adrien crawled to the head of his bed and wiggled under the blanket. Closing his eyes, he hummed something about how warm it was.

 

Nino clapped his hands together. "Hallelujah," He muttered. "I'm out of here."

 

"Wait~Nino, bino, my bruh," Adrien pointed an arm in his direction, palm open dramatically. "We've been through the war together bro, we're brothers of the blood,,,,the creamiest of the crop,,,,,we have to stay together bro,,,,,,all in this together~"

 

" _Hell_ no. I'll see you in school tomorrow, bro." And Nino slammed the door on a very resolute sounding, " _ **FUCK**_ _school_."

 

As Nino exited the house, Adrien's ranting following him, Nino exhaled a warm breath in the courtyard.

 

"Nino!" Said boy whipped his head up to see Adrien practically dangling out of a second story window. "Come back~! I miss you bro-shit-" Adrien teetered, and Nino died inside a little bit as he rushed back to the house.

 

"Shit, _shit_ , fine, whatever, I'll come back, just get your ass _out of the **window**_ -"

 

"I'm a bird! I'm a plane!"

 

_**SHIT-** _

**Author's Note:**

> "I will literally kill you."
> 
> "Mmmm, you love me~"
> 
> "Fuck you."
> 
> "I love you, you love me-"
> 
> "What-"
> 
> "We're a happy family-"
> 
> "No."
> 
> "With a great big hug-"
> 
> "Adrien-i can't breath-"
> 
> "And a kiss from me to you-"
> 
> "Aaa. Ew. Stop."
> 
> "Won't you say you love me too~"
> 
> "I'm questioning that."
> 
> "Mmmmmm. Whatevs. Goodnight, bro. Why the fuck have you been keeping me up?"
> 
> "...."
> 
> "...bino?"
> 
> "I can't do this," Nino muttered. "What did I do to deserve this hell."
> 
> "...bro? Ouch, what the ducking hell-"
> 
> "That was for turning this shitty night into a living hell. Ducking?"
> 
> "Autocorrect, bro. It's painful."
> 
> "what are you even talking about."
> 
>  
> 
> It's ducking painful.


End file.
